Did you know that the mistake of not raising adults but kids is the reason why many parents go through the pain of watching their adult children struggle in life?

Or why the emotional anguish by a parent who has to accommodate a 25 year old child moving back into their home because he or she can’t make ends meet as an adult is well deserved?

If my children who've left our home can't adjust to life as adults, that's our fault as parents.

Why do I place the responsibility on the parent’s shoulders?

Because the parent is the one who is responsible for preparing the child for life in the real world. The parent is the coach.

Sports organizations fire coaches when teams don’t well.

25 Year Old Man Child Moves Back Home

I recently had a conversation with a friend who was complaining that his 25 year old son had recently moved back into their 2 bedroom condo because he had nowhere else to live.

My friend, the father, said if it was up to him, he would not let that happen but his wife’s motherly instincts were way too strong for her to allow him to have his way.

And his way was to kick out the man child out of the house.

Raising adults


A Common Problem

Children falling back on their parents because they can’t stand on their own two feet in the real world past 21 years of age is a source for much anguish and pain for many a parent.

When such parents talk about this issue it is easy to both see and feel the pain they are in.

And it is understandable.

As a parent I would like my 3 kids not just to thrive when they live our home.

I want them to outright kick ass and dominate life and be able to stand on their own two feet the moment they live our home.

My wife and I would have failed any one of our children if they find the real world so tough that they have to turn back to us for the basics of sustenance like food and shelter.

The Real Problem

The fact that parents not schooled in smart parenting don’t know is this: It’s foolish to raise kids treating them as if they will be forever kids.

This is the real problem.

A lot of parents out of ignorance, carelessness or just plain stupidity raise their kids as if those kids will be forever kids.

These parents don’t understand what Andy Andrews meant when he said:

“The goal is not to raise great kids. It’s to raise kids who become great adults.”

What this means is that everything a parent does in the process of raising a child should be done with the ultimate goal of instilling character traits, or building a foundation that will inform the child’s future decisions and actions.

So when you see an adult who can’t cope with life’s challenges or struggles, this means this adult lacks the foundation or those traits – that should have been built in childhood – that are necessary to deal successfully with those challenges.

Raising adults means teaching kids about money

According to Dave Ramsey, preparing kids to grow into great adults means teaching them about work, something that translates into lessons on responsibility.

Instilling money values also teaches the kids spending, which translates into them learning to use wisdom.

Lessons on saving on the other hand, help the kids become adults who exercise patience.

Lessons on money would not be complete without imparting the value of giving because kids who learn to give learn to be generous.Read the full article hereSmart Parent

Raising adults means teaching kids the value of hard work

The most common thread that runs in all adults who struggle with one form of life challenge or another is that they’re lazy.

Lazy to think, lazy to act or just plain lazy all round.

If there is an antidote to any life struggle; it be financial, health or spiritual, that antidote is hard work.

Smart parents understand this and they work diligently to instill a healthy respect for working hard in their children.

Show me an adult who can not keep a job and I will show you a person who was raised without the benefit of a foundation of hard work.

Raising adults means teaching kids the importance of doing the very best they can wherever they are

Have you ever been to a fast food joint like McDonald’s or some other retail store where you get served by a person whose conduct clearly demonstrates that she does not value her/his work?

Or have you ever worked with or known a person who doesn’t stop complaining about his current job being ‘lowly’?

If you have, then you would have come across a person who was not raised to do the very best she can do in whatever position she is in.

People who rise in responsibility in all walks of life treat every job or task they do as if God himself had ordered them to get the task done.

They do the task to the best of their ability regardless of whether the task is cleaning a toilet or writing a multi-million dollar business proposal.

Approaching any task, however menial or important, with the same level of excellence is a trait whose foundation is laid in childhood.

This is why smart parents never tolerate it when their kids do a half ass job of washing the dishes, sweeping the floor or any other chores assigned to them in the home.

They know that taking even small tasks with a life or death seriousness carries over into adulthood.

Andy Frisella explained the importance of doing the very best at whatever job a young person is involved in one his podcast episodes.

Click the image below to listen to the entire episode. (Spoiler alert: Andy swears and cusses like crazy so if cussing offends you, please check you ego and listen to the damn show)Andy Frisella

Raising adults means teaching to be responsible

One study by the Pew Research Center found that the most important trait that parents want their children to possess is “to be responsible.”

Being responsible means a person can be relied on.

The reason why kids should start being trained to be responsible is that having the quality of being responsible affects every area of one’s life.

It affects one’s physical health, one’s mental health, finances, relationships, work and every other area important to living.

The good news when it comes to training kids into becoming responsible adults is that there are countless opportunities to do it in the home.

Take for example the vital task for training kids to clean up the toilet seat if they mess it with pee or the toilet bowl should their poo not be washed away by the flush water.

This is something that is simple to teach but carries so much weight in teaching responsibility that we have dedicated a whole blog post to.

Read the post here.

Smart parents understand that seemingly routine chores they assign to their kids are excellent opportunities to train them in becoming responsible. These parents therefore take these chores seriously as they are literally the lessons that they kids will take into adulthood.

Raising adults means teaching kids to be independent

Being able to stand on one’s two feet is a trait that a lot of adults lack.

The result is that they rely on banks to loan them money, family for emotional and sometimes financial support, credit card companies to give them credit to buy basics they could pay for in cash.

Smart  parents teach their kids to become independent.

One way to do this is not to do everything for your kids.

Like packing their lunch.

Let them do it for themselves if they are at the age when they can do it for themselves.


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