Did you know that as a smart parent you seriously hurt your kid’s chances of developing kindness,a strong work ethic, compassion, the will to win and drive to become the best he or she can be if you raise him or her to believe that he or she is special? 🤔
And did you also know that smart parents raise their children to understand that they are not special but rather, are a clean slate that can be molded, through effort and personal application into something special?
The majority of parents that you see or know believe their children are special. Hell, you might be one of those parents right now.
I’ll admit that I once was one parent who believed his children were special.
That my first child was born on the same day my mother passed on did not help.
It just made me believe that my baby was special and I made a point to tell her.
I even went to the extent of calling her Mary-Angel (Mary, after my mom and Angel…after the fact I just mentioned above)
But as a parent just learning to become smart in the parenting trade, now I know better.
My kids are no more special than any other kid anywhere and I will be damned if I were to tell them they are.
That a child is special might be sort of true to us as the parents but the fact of the matter is that nobody besides us gives a crap about what we believe about our kids.
So if in raising your child the goal is have him or her be prepared to transition into, and do very well as an adult, then one of the things that must NOT happen is teaching him or her to believe that he or she is special.
Because for one, training kids to believe they are special is just not what smart parents do.
And two, telling a child he or she is special is wrong parenting on multiple levels.
Here are a few of those levels.
Level #1: Every child is special, which means no child is special.
In any case, what exactly does it mean that a child is special?
Unless your child has 3 hands, 2 heads or 4 eyes, then there is really nothing special about him or her. There are millions upon millions of humans just like the human you and I have in our homes.
They are being born everyday.
Smart parenting thus requires us parents to teach our kids the truth and while that truth might be uncomfortable, it will build them up.
And that truth is we are all born unique but nobody is born special.
One has work one’s butt off to develop one’s in-born potential in order for one to be i a position to provide value to fellow humans in order to be considered special.
Being born and being able to breathe is no license for being special. It just makes one a common and regular human.
Level #2: Special ends with you the parent and the home the child lives in
This bit about a child being special ends the moment the child becomes an adult, or as soon as the child leaves your home.
It’s sad to say but true.
We humans are self absorbed creatures. We mostly care about ourselves and our own so the moment your child leaves your home, the special-ness ceases to exist.
So why teach a child something that has a shelf life confined to your home when most the child life will be lived outside your home?
A lot of teens have a hard time transitioning into the real world because they find it hard to live with the fact that nobody gives a crap about them.
These teens grew up under the tutelage of a stupid parent who told them they are special and when they meet people who see them as regular folk, they have a hard time adsorbing this fact.
As parents, our job is to prepare our kids for the realities of the real world. Telling them that they are special does nothing of the sort unfortunately.
Level #3: It gives the child a false sense that he/she is better with no proof
Telling a child that he is special gives the child a false sense that deprives him of the drive to excel. Why should he grind it out to excel when he has already been told countless times that he is special?
Special people don’t have to work to get better at anything because they are special. What a bunch of nonsense.
Besides creating a breeding ground for laziness, telling a kid she’s special instills in her a dangerous sense of entitlement.
Special people deserve special treatment, that’s her thought process.
People who grow up being told they are special thus carry huge chips on their shoulders because they have been raised to believe the world owes them.
Level #4: It doesn’t move the kid to take action
Ok, so a parent tells his son he is special. Then What?
What does the parent want the child to do with this information?
Feel good? Ok fine, but then what?
Smart parenting demands we train kids to take action, not feel good about themselves. And not just any action.But action that makes them better.
So when a child is told she is special what sort of action should she take? What sort of improvement can anybody expect from a child whose parent has told her that she is special?
Smart parents direct all their actions and words to drilling into their kids a bias towards action because a bias towards actions builds character, work ethic, persistence and grit.
These are the traits that incidentally enable a child to grow into a adult who can do special things.
Level #5: It creates an inflated sense of entitlement
Nothing is as repulsive as an adult that goes about life with an overblown sense that life or the world owes him a thing or two.
These are the kinds of people who mess up toilets and never clean up after themselves because they think there are janitors who are paid to clean them.
These are the sort of people who put in the minimum amount of effort in work they do because they feel they are not paid enough.
And to top it off, these are the types who think they are better than everybody else around them without putting in the work and effort to make themselves better than everybody around them.
Smart parents understand that such repulsive character traits are demonstrations of entitlement that are developed from childhood. Smart parents are therefore extra careful when it comes to what and how they communicate to their kids.